There's nothing 'wrong' with people. There's nothing 'wrong' with trauma arising years later. There's nothing 'wrong' with still hurting from the pain of the past.

Society really subscribes to the idea that time heals all wounds.

That since an 'adequate' amount of time has passed since someone died, or since a break up, or whatever difficult experience or loss - that someone should be 'over it'.

And so if you're still not over it, something is wrong with you, that it shouldn't be this way.

But that's a flawed view.

Because time doesn't heal all wounds. Time does play a part in healing, but the process - the process of letting go - involves all sorts of factors - understanding, effort, closure, forgiveness, and so on.

If someone hasn't healed from a difficult experience, it just means that they haven't been able to process it in a healthy way. That's all.

It's like being shot. To stop the bleeding, you could sew the wound up and create the outward illusion that you're 'fine'. But until you take the bullet out, the injury will fester and hurt internally (and actually, in this example, probably give you gangrene and kill you). So until you reopen the wound and take the bullet out, you can't really begin to heal properly.

The rearising of trauma is sometimes a good thing, because pain is a message. It's a message that something needs to be addressed, that you need care. That there is something still to learn. (As opposed to, say, having a broken toe but not being able to feel the pain - if you can't feel the pain, you wouldn't know there's anything wrong and you wouldn't think to get it fixed even though you really need to).

The rearising of trauma could also mean you finally have the space to receive it. The painful experience could have happened years ago, but because we hate pain and incline towards numbing ourselves from it rather than actually addressing it (which requires going through the pain), we could have just been distracting ourselves - with a new relationship, or moving to a new city, or embracing the party animal lifestyle, or if you're thinking more socially-frowned-upon things then drugs and alcohol, or whatever - creating the illusion that we are 'fine' or 'over it'. And then one day, things quiet down, distractions are not as accessible as they were, say, because of a global pandemic. And all this unaddressed pain and trauma, all this 'unreceived life' starts creeping back to the surface, and before you know it the dam bursts. And you feel like you're drowning a little and you're like what's wrong with me why is this happening it's been years I thought I was fine it doesn't make sense!!!

But there's nothing 'wrong'. This is the grieving process - it's just been delayed by a few years.

Now is an opportunity to receive it, and to do the deep healing that is required. 

Now is the time to be gentle, to give yourself all the love and care. Now is the time to seek out help and support from your loved ones and, if you need, professionals.

It's a hard process, no doubt.

"If the pain was deep you will have to let it go many times" - Yung Pueblo

Pain seems to come in waves, and I've learned that as long as I haven't broken the cycle of the thought patterns or behaviours which are causing the pain, I will continue to be subject to it. As long as I haven't learned all that I have to learn from this pain, it will continue to visit (it's like this really naggy, overly-attached teacher haha).

However, I know I would rather be going through this than not. Because I know I'll be better at the end of it.