Dear self,

You are at a point in your life where you have to make lots of decisions.

While they are not overly dramatically life-alterating, it's hard not to think that each small decision you make is going to impact the course of your life as a whole, since life is really made up of the little, seemingly trivial choices that we make everyday.

It is frightening, overwhelming, almost crippling, how much power you seem to have over your own life.

It is frightening to think that you might miss the boat, and that rare opportunities like these might not ever come your way again. It is frightening to think that in 5 years you will look back at these moments and think, if I had done things differently, all my goals could have been met.

It is frightening that you don't really know for sure what to do, that you don't really know for sure how things will go.

But I invite you to consider this:

You can only make sure that you go with the most wholesome of intentions, and respond to life with all the mindfulness and wisdom that you can muster given the present conditions.

The rest is out of your control.

You can only do your best given the present conditions, and that has to be enough. To demand that you do anything more than what is within your capacity is to demand that you be something other than what you are now, which is both foolish and cruel.

While you do have free choice to some extent, it is delusional to think that you can control every little circumstance that leads to an outcome. If the causes and conditions for something to happen are there, they will happen. All you can do is do all you can to put in good causes for the outcome that you want.

Yesterday Ajahn spoke about the dependent origination in simple terms: there are past causes that lead to present results, which are not in our control. What we can affect are present causes, which lead to future results.

I was listening to Ajahn Thanissaro recently (either this or this), who said something like, "the present intention comes before the results of prior actions". This means that your present intention in how you approach the situation is more important than what is happening to you. A lot of what happens to you is due to past causes, which are no longer in your control. What is in your control is how you react to them given your present intentions.

Right Intention is one of the factors of the Eightfold Path. It falls under the category of wisdom or pañña. I have come to understand intention as the arrow that leads you in a certain direction. Speech and action cannot follow if there is not first an intention to speak or act. Thus intention is the essence of kamma. It directs your speech and action accordingly.

If you take care of your intention, you don't have to worry about the outcome. If the result is still shit, then you can rest easy that you did all you could on your part and the rest was out of your control.

Beings are the owners of their kamma, heir to their kamma, born of their kamma, related through their kamma, and have their kamma as their arbitrator. Kamma is what creates distinctions among beings in terms of coarseness & refinement. 

P.S. another epic talk: Intention is Kamma by Ajahn Siripañño.
Edit: of course Ajahn Brahm has done a talk with the same title haha it's great here it is.

So I had a revelation today in the car, driving through KL traffic. Was pretty explosive.

Here it is:


They don't. I'm sorry, but they really don't.

Okay, you may be thinking, look, anyone who drives through KL traffic would think that, you're just mad right now, calm down.

That's a fair point, but legit though. People don't care, namely about you. Or me. Or anyone else.

It's not because you're a loser. Not because you're unimpressive.

People don't really care about you because they're too busy caring about themselves. They're busy caring about themselves (usually for the wrong reasons) because they think people care about them.

But they really don't. It's a vicious cycle.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean this in a way that's like "PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, PEOPLE HAVE NO COMPASSION" - what I mean is, you're not the centre of attention for people. I mean it in an impersonal way.

When people go "Hey, have you gained weight?" or "Why haven't you found a job yet?" (i.e. in untechnical terms - blame) or on the other end of the spectrum, "Your skin's looking better" or "It's so cool that you rock climb" (i.e. praise), they haven't cared about your weight, your job, your skin or your hobby this whole time, contemplating it in their free time between the last time they saw you and the present encounter, waiting eagerly for an opportunity to tell you, like a concerned parent or whatever.

They're only giving a fk now, because you're in view. Because it's convenient.
They've decided it's their business, just for this moment, this interaction.

In other words, they don't really, profoundly care about these things.
I don't mean for this to be an encouragement to hate the human race and swear off social interaction, or anything like that.

It's actually meant to be a positive thing. In realising this, there's actually a lot of freedom.

People don't really care what you do, so stuff it all. Tune in and do what feels right to you.
Don't be held back by insignificant, fleeting, conditioned perceptions, views and opinions.
What you think people think of you is just a perception about a perception that isn't even yours. It's not even real. Because people don't really know you, and they don't care enough anyway.
So go right ahead and live the life you want.

(N.B. Of course there are those that do care, and who matter - people who wish for your well-being and freedom from suffering. True friends. So I guess if there's anyone's opinion to be concerned about, it's theirs.)

(Semi) rant over!