Yesterday I rewatched The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

The first time I watched it was probably when it first came out in 2012, when I was 15. I liked it then, but I'm 23 this year, and have seen a lot more in my life since 15, so I experienced the movie in a very different way this time round.

For those of you who haven't watched the movie, a quick synopsis:

Charlie is the main character. He's quiet, a little nerdy and awkward (classic Indie film protagonist). Charlie suffers from clinical depression. His bestfriend Michael shot himself last year and his Aunt Helen died when he was 7. This year, he's starting freshman year of highschool and trying to get back into the norm of life. He struggles to find friends for a bit, but soon meets Patrick and Sam, who are seniors. They are eccentric, accepting, and embrace Charlie into their group of friends. For once he feels like he's at home.

Charlie starts developing feelings for Sam, who is seeing someone older, Craig. But one day Sam and Charlie are in Sam's room and they somehow start talking about how Charlie has never had a girlfriend and has never kissed a girl. Sam kisses Charlie to ensure that the first girl who kisses him, loves him.

But Sam continues dating Craig and Charlie ends up being dragged into a relationship against his will with one of their friends, Mary Elizabeth. He wants to break up with her but doesn't want to hurt her feelings. One day, the group is playing truth or dare and Patrick asks Charlie to kiss the prettiest girl in the room. He kisses Sam instead of Mary Elizabeth. The whole group is shocked and upset, and Patrick tells Charlie to stay away from them for a while. The isolation leads him to sink back into depression, and he has flashbacks of his Aunt Helen.

One day Patrick gets into a fight (won't get into details here) and Charlie steps in to defend him, which helps him to redeem himself. Sam and Patrick forgive him and they all start hanging out again. With Charlie's help, Sam does well for her SATs and gets into Penn State, which she was aiming for. Soon she graduates and leaves for college, but before she does, Sam (who has broken up with Craig) and Charlie kiss and profess their love for each other. After Sam leaves for college, Charlie's emotional state deteriorates and his flashbacks get more intense. One day he calls his sister Candace and starts blaming himself for his Aunt Helen's death. His sister sends police to the house, Charlie blacks out and wakes up in hospital. A psychiatrist starts treating him, and reveals to his parents that Charlie had been sexually abused by Aunt Helen, and had repressed those memories.

After some time Charlie is released from hospital and Sam is home for the holidays. Patrick drives them through a tunnel and they listen to "Heroes" by David Bowie, Charlie standing on the back of the pick-up truck - in that moment, he feels "we are infinite".

Rewatching the movie, I really felt for Charlie. I can understand why he did the things that he did, and although he was quiet and watching - a wallflower - he understood things and tried his best, with good intentions.

There was this quote in the movie:

Charlie: I know who you are, Sam. I know I'm quiet... and, and I know I should speak more. But if you knew the things that were in my head most of the time, you'd know what it really meant. How, how much we're alike, and how we've been through the same things... and you're not small. You're beautiful.

I love this because this is the scene where Charlie is probably the most expressive in all of the movie.

Charlie is timid, a little afraid to own his actions. Even though he says little, his heart is good and there's so much that he feels and experiences. He tries to understand people, tries to see the good in them.

Charlie: Mary Elizabeth is a really nice person underneath the part of her that hates everyone.

I always find people like that intriguing, because it's like there are beautiful colourful flowers blooming inside them, even though that's not what you see from the outside.

Throughout the movie, Charlie tries to do the right thing. Even though it goes a bit wrong, he really didn't set out to hurt anyone.

I think what captivates me about his story and character is that he's a bit of an oddball, a misfit, and he doesn't know how to navigate a world that only accepts certain types of people. He finally finds a group of friends who accept him, and tries to do right by them, but it's not always that simple because the right thing to do is not always clear.

Throughout the whole thing though, his intention is to be harmless, so even if he's not overly wise about when to show some tough love, he never meant to hurt anyone and was always trying to be kind.

I don't know, I just really feel for that. I think that's so human, and I love that.


This next quote is probably the most well-known in the movie. It's from a scene where Charlie speaks to his English teacher Mr. Anderson, who constantly encourages him "to participate" throughout his first year of highschool.

Charlie : Mr. Anderson? Can I ask you something?
Bill : Yeah.
Charlie : Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?
Bill : Are we talking about anyone specific?

[Charlie nods] 

Bill : Well, we accept the love we think we deserve.
Charlie : Can we make them know that they deserve more?
Bill : We can try.

Reflecting on myself, I feel that man.

With dating - I tell myself I want a partner who is inspiring and strong and all the good stuff, but when it comes down to it, because I'm so insecure and comparative, I don't think I would be able to handle it if I thought I had more to lose than they did in the relationship.

It's ego games. I realised that if someone is impressive to me, I often don't feel "safe". I put up my armour, becoming closed off and guarded, because my ego feels threatened and insecure - probably because I'm measuring myself against them and thinking I'm unworthy.

Mabel says we tend to feel more comfortable with people of similar self-esteem. Yeah that makes sense to me.

So even though in my head, ideally what I think I want is a relationship where both parties are "whole units", maybe I'm not actually ready for that right now. Still got more work to do on myself.

I love how this is expressed in conversation between Charlie and Mr. Anderson. He's trying to understand why people do stupid things like that haha.

And when he goes "Can we make them know that they deserve more?" Omg such a kind bean.

I would have loved to see more of the movie from Sam's perspective - she's so eccentric and unafraid to express herself and be authentic, but I wonder why she "makes herself small", as Patrick comments.



Charlie : Dear Friend, I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, but I've been trying hard not to be a loser.

lol I just relate to this on every level this is me on my blog jks



I think that's all I really want to say about the movie. I think why it appeals to me is because Charlie was such a tortured character - the suffering in his life made him quiet and timid and reserved like a wallflower, but he continued to see and understand and try his best and be kind and do the right thing and be harmless. Suffering didn't make him bitter and evil. It made him soft and beautiful. I think I really like that.

P.S. I love Ezra Miller's acting, also Logan Lerman does succccchhhhhh a great job portraying Charlie you wouldn't think he's also Percy Jackson hahaha. Also, great soundtrack.