If I were to recount all the comings and goings of the past month, it would be too much.
This text I sent to Mabel sums it all up:

I'm back in Melbourne now. I love this city. It gives me space and clarity. It is my home.
Sorry, dad.

I came back on the 13th of Jan and just kind of retreated into a shell. I needed like at least a week of proper hermit time. I needed to recalibrate. It was the best week ever. I did heaps of journalling, meditation, listening to talks, reading. I avoided most interaction, even with the closest friends, even with the Ajahns. Just slowing down in general - in Dara's words "going low voltage".

Then came Friday afternoon: I was trying to take a nap but couldn't so I ended up doing a sit. When I came out of my sit, around 4.10pm, I checked my phone and saw texts from Dara "Speak to Ajahn?", and from an unknown number, which, surprise surprise, was Ajahn Hāsapañño

A great monk, Luang Por Baen, had passed away. His funeral was on Sunday. Ajahn was flying to Thailand that night itself, and asked if I was interested. His selling point was "All the Kruba Ajahns* you can dream of will probably be there."

Needless to say, I was interested.

You have to understand - I had been bugging Ajahn last year about whether he was going to Thailand in 2020. I was super keen - especially since I'm on a gap year this year. But he didn't have any solid travel plans yet, and then this occasion came up, so we all just dropped everything and went.

It's quite funny because I remember last year some of us were talking in the sala in Vimokkharam about going to Thailand at some point this year, and I think there was mention that you might have to be so keen that you're prepared to drop everything and just go on a very spontaneous trip.
And so I did.

After frantically booking really last minute flights and making all the necessary arrangements, things started moving. We were going to Thailand.

LP Baen's funeral was taking place at his monastery in Sakhon Nakhorn, a Northeastern province of Thailand. The plan was to fly into Bangkok, take a domestic to Udon Thani (a nearby province), and then drive for 3 hours to Sakhon Nakhorn.

I knew nothing about LP Baen, but in his newsletter to devotees of Vimo, Ajahn wrote:

"We heard the news that Luang Pu Baen Dhanākaro passed away yesterday afternoon, and I and a few people from Melbourne will be leaving tonight to go to Thailand to join together at his funeral on Sunday January 19th at Wat Doi Dhammachedi, Sakon Nakhorn, Thailand. Luang Pu Baen's passing is the end of an era for the Thai Forest Tradition, and so looks to be a significant occasion for all the monks and Great Ajahns in our tradition..."

Only after the trip did I start hearing more about LP Baen, who I began to realise was one of the greatest Ajahns of our time. During the trip, all I knew was, I was going on this epic adventure with my teacher and it was going to be awesome. I didn't realise how privileged I was to be able to witness the occasion.

On the flight home from Bangkok to Melbourne, I pulled out my journal and wrote about 18 pages front and back within several hours to recount the whole trip. I could do that here, but I don't think I'm up for it.

Here are pictures instead:

We stopped here on the way to Sakhon Nakhorn - Wat Pa Ban Tat in Udon Thani, Luangta Maha Boowa's monastery.

Luangta Maha Boowa's kuti.

Arrived in Sakhon Nakhorn, outside Wat Doi Dhammachedi. The funeral was such a huge affair that cars were stopped kilometers before the monastery compound, and shuttle buses sent people to and from the monastery gates to the carpark.

Setting up camp on some grass in the monastery. My first time camping!

Ajahn Hāsapañño showing us around the monastery.

A monk's tent.

Reclining Buddha. It is said that this is the spot that Luangta Maha Boowa gained enlightenment.

Very serene.

That white building is where the reclining Buddha was located. Monks were dwelling in the surrounding areas.

Dhamma friends chatting on a some rocks.

A beautiful chedi built for the previous abbot of the Wat.

Next morning - Sai Baht (morning alms - giving food to the monks).

Was so good to have my Dhamma pal Nalanda there ❤️

Red ants' nest.

Pictured: my amazing teacher 🙏

We bombarded him with a million Qs, naturally.

I had never seen so many monks gathered together in one place in my life.

I didn't get to see all the Kruba Ajahns that Ajahn mentioned. Ajahn Kalyano, who I bumped into at Udon Thani airport, said that it's hard to interact with them at these big events, where there are so many people. Ajahn Hāsapañño mentioned there was, what, some 30k people there? Fair enough.

The highlight of the trip for me was that I got to spend time with my teacher. Recently, I have been increasingly realising the significance of the Buddha's advice:

“...Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.”

Like you hear that all the time and it's like, oh yeah, having good friends around is good. But only recently have I realised the benefit of hanging around with Sangha. Nothing even compares to that. Ajahn and I have talked about this so many times - nothing compares to seeing someone living and practising the Dhamma in real life. As beings sensitive to emotions, energy, and the whole lot, I think that is the value of in-person companionship. You can read all about the greatness of the Ajahns in books, but that might all just be in your head - nothing compares to witnessing it in front of you.

Ajahn Hāsapañño regards that apprenticeship with good teachers to be the most supportive condition in his practice thus far.
Because you see the utter beauty of the Dhamma when embodied and practised by a human being, and you just want to emulate that. At that point it's not about law and order and "I have to do this", "I should do that", it slowly becomes "I want to do this because." Seeing it work so well for someone makes you want to test it out. There's just so much to gain from it.

I was reading the Canki Sutta the other day and came across this piece of advice:

“...When, on observing that the monk is purified with regard to qualities based on delusion, he places conviction in him. With the arising of conviction, he visits him & grows close to him. Growing close to him, he lends ear. Lending ear, he hears the Dhamma. Hearing the Dhamma, he remembers it. Remembering it, he penetrates the meaning of those dhammas. Penetrating the meaning, he comes to an agreement through pondering those dhammas. There being an agreement through pondering those dhammas, desire arises. With the arising of desire, he becomes willing. Willing, he contemplates (lit: "weighs," "compares"). Contemplating, he makes an exertion. Exerting himself, he both realizes the ultimate meaning of the truth with his body and sees by penetrating it with discernment.

"To this extent, Bharadvaja, there is an awakening to the truth. To this extent one awakens to the truth. I describe this as an awakening to the truth. But it is not yet the final attainment of the truth.

"Yes, Master Gotama, to this extent there is an awakening to the truth. To this extent one awakens to the truth. We regard this as an awakening to the truth. But to what extent is there the final attainment of the truth? To what extent does one finally attain the truth? We ask Master Gotama about the final attainment of the truth."

"The cultivation, development, & pursuit of those very same qualities: to this extent, Bharadvaja, there is the final attainment of the truth. To this extent one finally attains the truth. I describe this as the final attainment of the truth."

I've read the Canki Sutta several times before this, but never really got this bit until now. I appreciate my relationship with Ajahn so much. He is incredibly generous with his time and knowledge. Over the years, I have learned to develop skilful means from watching him and speaking to him and learning from him. If I think about it deeply enough, I'll just start crying out of massive gratitude.

The adjective 'admirable' is so apt for describing spiritual friendship. I think it's so beautiful that it's not a friendship where you just derive pleasure and comfort from the company of one another - of course there is that too, because let's be real, people who practise harmlessness and blamelessness are gonna make you feel good - but it's admirable because the association gives rise to the development of admirable, wholesome, beautiful qualities. There is generosity, virtue and spiritual development that is created from the association. Incredibly beautiful.

This Sunday past, Ajahn was talking about the power of some of the Kruba Ajahns, how some of them have psychic powers and things like that. He said it's something incredible that they are so powerful, being able to read your mind and know you better than yourself, but at the same time you can trust them completely because they have your best interests at heart.

Hardcore.


Having gone to Thailand, even for a weekend, I got a sense of how rich the Buddhism is over there. Kruba Ajahns all around. Monasteries every few kilometers. The sensibilities of the Thai people about Buddhist monks and Buddhism in general. Real, practising laypeople. It really is the land of Buddhism. It's something else. What we find in the West doesn't even really compare.

When we were speaking about this, Ajahn quoted Ajahn Chah's simile of the Buddhism in Thailand being like a great big ancient oaktree with deep roots, but that was rotting inside, while the Buddhism in the West was like a little sapling with potential but not much there yet.


I got back to Melbourne on Monday night, and then went into work on Tuesday. It was training day, and we did activities around team-building.

Aus Open.

I don't hang out in the city at night very much, so it's actually my first time seeing this view. Melbourne! My heart is yours hahahaha.

Reunion Lunch at Meow and KahHoe's!

Skyping with Malaysian fam. The cutest.

Ajahns on Pindabaht.

Round 2.

Today I have a whole day off, and I'm gonna take my sweet, sweet time.
Going low voltage is an art - and a very rewarding one at that. Like drinking tea haha.

In a previous post I mentioned that one of my NY's resolutions is to work at being less impulsive (track record probably not so great after impulsively flying to Thailand over a weekend, but no regrets there) and indecisive, and on overcoming doubt. To go slow.

And so a paradigm I've begun to adopt recently is to be with suffering. To take my time with it.

When I was in Malaysia, I went to listen to a talk by Ajahn Vajiro. He spoke about the Four Noble Truths - the essentials. He said that usually the way people approach suffering is incorrect - we see suffering and try to abandon it. That's not the right way to go about it. We should understand suffering and abandon craving. And then realise the end of suffering, by developing the path leading to its end.

That reminded me of what Ajahn Thanissaro once said: suffering is your friend, craving is your enemy. Usually people have it the other way around. We should get to know suffering, like a friend.

Reflecting on myself, I've definitely been doing it the wrong way in the past. Suffering comes up and I start taking action to get rid of it. Actually, a lot of that is just acting out of aversion and desire (to get rid of or to become something). You don't understand anything deeply by doing that. And from experience, you just end up conditioning yourself to be afraid of suffering, afraid of life. It becomes avoidance and suppression behaviour. You end up trying to live in a way that conforms to law and order, of what is "correct" according to your deluded understanding of the Buddhist teachings, taking a prescriptive approach rather than an investigative one. So you might be doing "the right thing" but you don't really know. You gain precious little from that. And of course, you still suffer. It's not totally avoidable.

So this year, I'm just trying to live life you know. Like just live life, and just bring awareness to the process. Another great thing Ajahn Thanissaro said:

“Bring some knowledge to these processes and they can be a path away from the suffering that they've been causing up to now.”

To me, that's about using your conditions here and now, whatever they are, to build your path out of suffering. That's a more realistic way to go about practising, rather than trying to run away from suffering, run away from your conditions to find perfect ones. That doesn't exist, and it doesn't last. No mud, no lotus. Wisdom comes from suffering.

So daring to suffer is important. I mean like, it's not actively going out to look for trouble. But daring to be with it when the conditions for it are present.

This quote by Ajahn Chah sums it all up:



I think that's all for now.


* Kruba Ajahns = senior teachers.
In my head, Kruba Ajahns = hardcore senior monks.